Better Out Than In – The Art of The Freedom to Cry

If people allow themselves to cry if they feel like it this is a strength, rather than a weakness.

If people allow themselves to cry if they feel like it this is a strength, rather than a weakness.

It would be anecdotal, and is certainly speculative on my part, but I would guess that the prevalence of diseases such as cancer is slightly higher among those who don’t allow themselves to cry when they feel the need to do so, compared to those who do. Cancer and what else? Depression? Heart disease? Relationship difficulties or breakdown? Entropy?

We have developed a society which isn’t really comfortable with the idea of people – adults – crying, and particularly men.

I don’t believe in crying for the sake of it, or puttng it on, and certainly believe in the development of emotional strength into adulthood which can genuinely dispel the need to cry on many occassions. However, the intellectual thought that one must not allow oneself to do so is a negative, limiting belief, indeed, and one which may cause much damage until we renounce it, individually and socially.

At a spiritual group I once belonged to I had the mickey taken by the group leader, albeit quite gently, for crying. He later apologised, stating his own belief that it was right to express emotion, and how his ridiculing had really gone against what he truly believed, that to hold in tears is akin to a cloud holding in rain, and therefore not to be endorsed in any life affirming circles or groups.

…I already knew that allowing myself to cry if I felt like it was a strength, rather than a weakness.

Of course, this specific area of crying is a sub-set of the more wider area of freedom for authentic self-expression generally. Moreover, not crying does not neccessarily equate to not needing to…

There is a difference between not needing to cry and not admitting to the occassional need. Those who never cry don’t neccessarily never feel it arising in them. Many have been conditioned to keep it inside. Unless someone tells us how they feel, how will we ever really know? But more importantly, what damage are they doing to themselves by denying the expression of their very truth and beinghood?

How many times do we say it; the Mind – great servant, lousy master.

And I believe also that freedom to cry leads to the greater inner strength which makes upset less likely, bearing most of the comings and goings of life against the backdrop of personal inner peace, which is gained from knowing who you are and an unshakeable commitment to being true to self.

Just as the mucus that comes from poor diet is better off in one’s handkerchief than in one’s lungs, the notion of better out than in for our tears also follows the wisdom principle of operating from the inside, out. We are guided from within as to what is right for us, and so when we have faith in this we can easily override the mental limitations of social conditioning as and when they arise in our internal dialogue and intellectual thoughts. That is why it was possible for me to know already that the freedom to cry is a strength.

Crying itself is the practice – the action. As such it is inherently neither right or wrong. That is dependent upon our intentions and motives. The principle is the important part in all this. And that principle is the freedom to cry, if we find we wish to or need to.

Best wishes ’til next time.

James Blacker

James Blacker is the Founder of Whole Life Whole World and author of the home study life course Wisdom The Course: The Way of True Success, available from the Whole Life/Papillon Store.

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